Hey everyone,

I was sitting here thinking, and I think it's time for one of the more deeper updates. I haven't posted one of these in a long time, and I figure it's about time to do it. On a side note, Sarah and I are doing great and I'm truly happy. I've never really been this clear about things, and I've never been so calm about things in awhile. But it is never to late to see it. Her and I have something great, sure, we have things to work on just like any other couple, but who doesn't? We'll get there. Faith is something that I have always had within myself, and others. I put my heart into everything that I do, and this is no different. I look at Sarah and I as if destiny will push us where we need to go, and it will do it in togetherness, and I have no doubt in this. But as time goes by, wisdom tends to grow, we tend to find ourselves in whatever chapter we view in our lives. Which brings me to my current topic.

You ever tried to understand life? Tried to understand why you are here.. and searched your soul for what makes you become who you are? I know I have. I have some answers, and I think the rest will come as time surprises me with more. But then again, do we ever get all the answers.. yes.. that's right, no one does and this is something I try, be yet we fear life. Our whole life is lived in fear, thats why we must prevail over all fear.. Fear holds love, religion, people, everything... it holds all true power back.. thats why we cant be afarid to have fear, but we cant be afraid to stand against it. It isn't the flawless way we go about every day life, nor is it the flawless intentions we have on every situation we go through. But it is the persistence of the way we go about moving our way through this orb we call our existance. Fear is not just a word, it is an every minute emotion. We all feel it in some sort of way. It can be doing something wrong, and being afarid to own up to it. Being afarid to look that person you love in the eyes, and tell them that it is indeed so. You can be afarid to raise your hands and praise the very spirit that guides us through these band of emotions. Nobody can say they don't feel this fear. Because everyone who is anyone fears something in their lives. Mine? you ask.

My deepest fear is yet my greatest ally, and that is the love in which I instill in people. Will it be betrayed? or will it be returned? Will it be like the person I'm with and be returned every day. Will this love be returned by my friends and family every day. Will the love I have for the mats and the football field, when will it be cruel.. and when will it be generous? Ally, but enemy... that is indeed my deepest fear. But you can't be afarid to look fear in the eyes,

"Fear is worst faced eye-to-eye, but it's the only way to win."

I am no longer afarid of my emotions, I am no longer afarid of what my eyes put infront of me. I am afarid to face them in any sense, and I will not lay down. I said that to myself thursday night, and I will hope that this whole world has a chance to say it some day. Fears are great when you beat them, and I have did this. Physical fears are just an obsticle, my shoulders.. my pain.. it is all just a wall for me to climb.. and I will beat it. I will not be defeated, it is all in our souls. Mankind is mortal my friends, but being mortal does not mean spirit can not partake.

I'm one of those people who go through life trying to make sense of its happening, I try to understand why it is this way. Then I try to put it in my own words, and try to completely understand it. Its a great thing, to make me a great person. yet I will die one day still trying to fully understand it, because no one man has.. only one spirit, and we all know who he is. My aunt asked me to be the Miracle Man she knew I could be, yet I cant perform miracles. I can only help you smile, and I will do that. I can only give you Sarah.. my heart, and I can only fill you with laughter and memories.. no matter what happens. You'll always have those. But dont be afarid to get stronger, it will define us. It will help us understand this life that nobody will ever fully comprehend. I can only give my friends and family the passion and care they deserve, and those same memories. I'm no miracle worker, but that is what Aunt Barbera means by be the "Miracle Man." And I shall.. life is great, if we pursue it in the correct ways, and we beat the obstacles.. its only a matter of time.. until we are always smiling.. and being truly complete. Thank you, Sarah.. Thank you Zac, Ashley, Matt, Josh, Paitence, Cassandra and Shaun.. thanks to all of you who help me through my life. But most of all, thank you Jesus, without my love with Sarah.. and my family and friends.. I couldn't be Josh Rose.. and in my eyes, that's all I should ever be.

J-L-R
10/29/05

How is everybody? Good I hope, I've been doing pretty good as of late, couldnt get to much better besides ups and downs, here and there. Being a little under the weather is indeed one of them. Then just having some recent problems with the family, other than that everything has been alright and going very well. Football has been long over it feels like, I kind of miss it.. even though I dont miss the practices that made me feel like I was going to break. I do miss the atmosphere, even if it might not have been the best most of the time, and I do miss feeling like I'm getting better at what it takes to be a good player. Right now Wrestling has started and we are well underway, we haven't been as good as we have been in previous years but I have to say I do enjoy it very much. Does alot for me, considering it was the very thing that got me out of my "down on myself" days. I got fourth this Saturday at the John Battle Tournament. and I discovered with that I have got to get better, and try new things, or I won't get to the next level as a wrestler. I have a winning record, and I like it that way.. but things do need to get better, or I wont have a chance at regions and state.

Speaking of things that have gotten me out of the " down on myself" days, Sarah and I are doing just fine, and I'll tell you I love it. She has done alot for me, and she really hasn't tried that hard, she just gives me what I feel like I deserve and that is certianly enough for me by any means. I've been getting closer and closer to her, and I must say I love that too. Nothing feels absent, everything feels there and I'll tell you the truth, thats the way I like it. Wouldn't trade her for the world. She tells me everything, I tell her everything, she is honest and caring.. and that's all I need. Thank you babe.

Tommorrow is the end of the first semester, feels like things between sarah and I have made the time go so fast, I wish I could just slow it down sometimes. The classes next sesmester are just as easy as this past semester, besides English.. other than that.. its all pretty good. Holston is tomorrow, wish me luck.. and then Christmas comes along.. can't wait for that one.

Anyways thats all I can really think of, lame update sure.. but it has been awhile, now just to sit here and wait on Sarah :) anyways, seeya guys.

JLR & SCD
10/29/05

This Journal is Friends Only...

Comment to be added

I'd just like to tell all of you guys that as of Tomorrow(Friday) I will be gone to Cleveland until Sunday, incase something happens. I have packed and I hope to god that I am ready to face this, I have been scared.. this has been the greatest challenge of my life, and to actually see my aunt in the condition she is in will be hard for me. yet I will stay strong for all those people who supported me and do what I can, it's hard.. but I'll get through it. Thank you people who have stood beside me and supported me through this time. I have found a couple to be frauds but that doesn't matter, they got what was coming to them, and that was losing a friend. I may not be alot of things, but I am a good friend.. and one of these days the way they treated me will bite them, they are the one's who will be missing out.

Thank you, Abbi, Cassandra, Shaun, Zac, Kati, Leigha, Kristin, Cody, Rachel.. these people are good friends..

If you like you can call me or what not tomorrow before 3:00PM and leave me your numbers if you wnat to know how my aunt is doing, soon as I get to a phone I'll call and let all of you know what is going on. if you don't know my number.. once again.. Shaun will give it to you, Cassandra, Zac, and Cody will be glad to provide you with information.

Keep me in your prayers, I need them.. I'll see you whenever I get back, and hopefully talk to some of you beforehand.

Josh